Residual

Consistent Inconsistencies.

Blatant

Well, it has been quite some time...

It's interesting and perplexing how life unfolds. People change, kids mature, identities form, friends become enemies, enemies become friends... the huge list goes on. So what makes life so spontaneous, illogical, and confusing?

Imperfection.


This has nothing to do with what I wanted to write about. The main topic I wanted to discuss is my hair. Once I enter the professional world, I don't think it will be likely that I will be able to keep my current hairstyle. Bummer. Funny how something so simple can be so complex.

"The night is darkest before the dawn"

When Jesus asked us to follow Him, He wants us to follow Him. Not with reluctance, not in fear, not with doubt... but with all our hearts. I'm always reminded of Him because He tests us, sometimes, by picking one of the worst possible times (at least in our minds) to call on us to follow Him. Maybe you have 3 tests and a paper to finish by the end of the weekend, but He calls on you to go and help out with a short mission trip to Mexico. Maybe you had a horrible day, and your praise team leader decides to schedule a prayer meeting for the youth group. What ever the case may be, we know in our hearts what we should do. We KNOW we should just serve Him and everything will be alright. But this knowledge doesn't make anything any easier.

Why, then, is it so hard for most of us to just let go of our fears, worries, and doubts? It could be a lack of faith, right? I mean, if we have enough faith in our all powerful God, why would we ever worry about anything? But it could also be the human condition. God tells us not to worry in the bible. That means He knows that worrying is something we are prone to doing. If you search the phrase "do not worry" in a bible search online, you'll find at least 10 hits. God knows! He knows worrying is a HUGE issue.

So what, then is the solution? I mean, I assume that if you're supporting yourself, or have parents supporting you, it's a lot easier not to worry about things. But what if you have a family to support. What if you have huge responsibilities? How do you cast aside your fears that if you fail, the people who depend on you will be disappointed?

I guess, in the end, it's all about faith. Like He says, all the random animals that live around us are always provided for. He loves us way more than He loves a squirrel. So why wouldn't He provide for us? Why wouldn't He help us through any and all hardships that come our way?



Increase my faith

Facets

Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Yadda yadda...

So if we continue to fail to be satisfied in Him, what does that mean in terms of our relationship to God? Does that mean we don't believe in Him? Does it mean that we do not trust in Him? Are we not saved?


Even King David wasn't satisfied with God at times. He felt the need to take Bathsheeba as his wife. It didn't mean that David didn't believe in God. He was one of the greatest Kings to have ever lived. His life was led in worship to God (for the most part).

God knows every mistake we will ever make. He knows that we cannot ever live the life Jesus led. Yet, He still blesses us with Grace. He still loves us, knowing that we will not love him remotely the same. When He tells us not to worry, I think that He also meant not to worry about how we should live. Some people get so caught up in how to live a life that is pleasing to God... How to live life "right." Well, as humans, we are prone to fail in that area. And if we continue to worry about what is right, and what is wrong, we take away the aspect that is most important: Love. This is God's greatest commandment - to love. Wherever our relationship with God is, if we truly try to love one another, keeping God's will in mind, everything else falls into place. If we go around blessing everyone in our minds vs. cursing the driver who just cut us off on the freeway, we are fulfilling His commandment. Worrying is like standing idly. You think about all the possibilities of each action, but in the end, you're not actually DOING anything. Nothing happens except for the thoughts that whiz by in your head. God gave us free will to DO something.


So, go.

Found in an article from the LA Times:

"What primarily seems to motivate atheists isn't rationalism but anger -- anger that the world isn't perfect, that someone forced them to go to church as children, that the Bible contains apparent contradictions, that human beings can be hypocrites and commit crimes in the name of faith. The vitriol is extraordinary."
By Charlotte Allen
May 17, 2009

Faith

As we go through life, we will encounter many unexpected circumstances and surprises. Some will be pleasant. Some will not. Jesus... how can I remain worry-free? I know, in my head, that You always provide. That, in the end, You always find a way to make things "right." But I am having so much trouble quieting my restless soul. My parents have done everything they can to be supportive and encouraging. Reassuring me that they will take care of everything. But I am no longer a "child." I understand how hard it is for them to "take care of everything." And, thus, my heart is erratic.

Lord... please... I need so much help at this hour. Help remembering how great You are. Help remembering Your power and majesty. Help remembering that You are fully in control.

God, there are so many things that I fail to do. So many things that I neglect. Yet, You knew that I would fail. You knew that I would neglect. And You also know the turmoil that is brewing within me. You know best of all how I am feeling. So Lord, I ask for Your mercy and love to wash over me. I do not deserve anything from You. I do not deserve Your grace, Lord, for I am such an ungrateful son to You most of the time. But I know You love me the same. Your love is perfect, Lord; incomparable. Your love covers all.

So give me peace. Increase my faith Lord.

Effort

In this world, there are many different types of people. If I were to ask you to describe yourself, psychologists would expect you to talk about personal characteristics (ex: beliefs, attitudes, likes, dislikes). When you were little, you'd probably tell me the things you liked and didn't like. Sometimes, these little likes and dislikes tell us a lot more about the person than anything else.

So what was the point of that little allegory? To be honest, I'm not certain. I just know that people always want to seem better to others around them. Why is this? Why do we work so hard to impress people? Why do we buy expensive clothes to impress people we don't like? Interesting how backwards the human mind works despite being so "advanced."

Before I continue, I suppose I should offer an apology for having incoherent thoughts strung together. Thoughts are zipping in and out of the forefront of my mind at indescribable speeds. Hopefully, everything will end up being one cohesive thought. It's late and I'm tired. Not to mention my pent up frustration and resentment. Well, I suppose I just mentioned it.. Oh well.

Realizations and Reminders for this week:
1. People who smile the most tend to have the most underneath the surface
2. Nice people will always be taken advantage of/taken for granted
3. No one wants to be the bad guy
4. Treat people the way you want to be treated? How often does that work out for you, really?
5. I am far from perfect
6. Everyone wants you to understand their point of view
7. The reason why people love watching shows like The Hills and Gossip Girls is because those shows are full of drama. People live off drama; they want fresh ideas on how to start some of their own.
8. Being mean is a lot harder for me than being nice
9. I think the sushi chef last Sunday made sushi with a knife that he used to cut an Avocado with for the sushi I ate...
10. God is so... Perfect.


Moving onward, so I got two pet cats. Their names are Miss and Patches. Patches, while taking 4 days to come out of his anti-social shell, has adapted very well to his new home. He and Maki have a shaky relationship but there has been no animosity from him. Miss, on the other hand, made my room her headquarters a day after she moved in. She is a fat one... I love fat cats. She is not so keen upon having to share the house with Patches and Maki at this point (Maki is the name of my roommate's dog, I should mention). I guess I should explain the whole getting pet cats thing. Well... I've always wanted a dog. 2-3 dogs actually, but that would prove to be difficult given the fact that I don't have a yard, and, more importantly, I'm allergic to dogs. I've also been intrigued by cats. The fact that you have to work so much harder to earn their trust and such. Only issue I have with cats are their claws. Anyway, I entertained the idea of getting cats for about 2 months, and scoured craigslist for a short while. I finally came upon an ad from a woman who had to move and couldn't take her cats with her. Their pictures were posted and I instantly adored Patches' black and white coat. I made two trips to the owner's [old] apartment to play with the cats before deciding upon whether I would take them or not. I wanted only one at first, but after talking to Ruby [the owner] and Nicole, I decided it wouldn't be too horrible to take them both. Patches is more like a dog than a cat, in my opinion. And Miss is very temperamental, but lets me put her on my lap. I love them both. Getting them was the first thing I have done purely for myself in a long time... I think I want to rename the girl cat... Miss is kind of lame in my honest opinion.

The past 2 weeks have been pretty uncomfortable for me. I was only enrolled in 4 units (1 class) after dropping 2 classes I simply added in order for financial aid to pay my fees. I was waitlisted in 1 other class, and I was trying to add another class. The class I was trying to add had about 50 other people trying to add. This lecture hall has about 100 seats, so people were waiting outside of the classroom while class started. I had very low hopes for getting into the class, but I made several prayers. Wouldn't you know, they got answered!

I got two parking tickets last week for not having a parking pass. Currently appealing them.


It's hard. But I try. Everyday. To be more like You. It is... Impossible, I know. But I will continue to try my best to love.